As you may know, I had a difficult past. No, I didn’t grow up poor, but I did grow up feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere and that something was wrong with me. There were a slew of reasons why I had developed a disdain for myself: living in two separate worlds (an Indian world on the weekends, and an American world during school days), experiencing racism, surviving sexual molestation by an uncle and not receiving support when I told my folks, and losing my connection to family and some friends after I came out as a lesbian. I felt alone. The result: I didn’t like myself much. I didn’t value who I was. I was depressed and angry. I was self-destructive without really realizing it. After all, I could survive in society — heck, I could excel in society (hence, the prestigious legal career). I knew how to try to measure up based on other people’s expectations of me. But it was an inner turmoil that got to me. An inner feeling of emptiness and unhappiness.
For years, I would search outside of myself for happiness. Sure, material things, an exciting romance, or a great dinner out would give me temporary happiness. But, it was short-lived. I’ve done a lot of work to get myself out of a place of self-loathing (no matter how mild or insidious it was) to a place of LASTING radical self-love. Radical self-love means that you love yourself from the depths of your core. It is a self-love that is unconditional — it doesn’t fluctuate if you had a bad day. (Mind you, I’m not perfect — I absolutely have moments of self-criticism and unhappiness, but they are short-lived now.) In fact, I started Evolving Goddess because I want to cut the process shorter for you if you happen to struggle with similar types of issues. Essentially, I want you to live life on your own terms, love yourself, and have unshakable happiness — one that isn’t dependent on circumstances or people.
Although I’ve done a myriad of things to achieve radical self-love, I thought I’d share this one practice that I believe has helped to reprogram how I think and feel about myself. It’s affirmations. An affirmation is a positive statement that is essentially a declaration of what you want stated as if you already have it. The one affirmation that I recite multiple times a day that has changed my life is, “I love you, Ann. I deeply and profoundly love and accept you.”
When I first started reciting affirmations, it didn’t do anything for me. I didn’t feel any real difference. In fact, I thought it was kind of hokie. I even let go of the practice initially and rediscovered it years later. When I rediscovered it, I committed to the practice. I would do it in the mirror and in my car. I had post-it notes in my bathroom to remind me to say them. I’d say them before going to bed. (You get the picture!)
An affirmation is a reprogramming an old message. I didn’t feel a difference at first because my old negative messages took up most of the real estate in my head. They had a stronghold on me — after all, I’d had those negative thoughts for decades! It took time to have the positive, loving thoughts take root.
Here’s my assignment for you: Commit to telling yourself that you love yourself unconditionally multiple times a day every day for the next 40 days. Stick with this practice, especially if you don’t feel anything.
As you fall in love with yourself, your life will fall into place. It’s inevitable. Your reprogrammed mind will not settle for anything less in health, money, career, relationships, friendships, etc.
Here’s to your radical self-love!